


Dance with me

by beljareau



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), Coma, Dance With Me, Dancing, Episode Fix-It: s08e12 Zugzwang, F/M, Fix-it for Maeve's death, Grief/Mourning, Hospitals, Promises, Romance, Thomas Merton, Waiting, Zugzwang, dream - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-03
Updated: 2021-02-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:27:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29180232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beljareau/pseuds/beljareau
Summary: A romance. A stalker. A gunshot.We all know how it ends, the lives of Diane Turner and Maeve Donovan closed too early.But what if it didn’t? What if the shot rang out, ending the life of Diane but leaving Maeve in a coma, a temporary death rather than a permanent one. Leaving Spencer Reid mourning not the end of a life but rather the long pause in the middle of one, never sure if or when it will end.But that begs the question: which is worse? The death of someone you never got to hold or waiting for the day you can with no certainty it will come?Spencer Reid hasn’t slept a full night in 4 months, hanging onto the last thread of hope he can grasp at but slipping fast. If Maeve doesn’t wake up soon they can’t keep her, or him, holding on any longer. So all he can do is hope. All anyone can do is hope. Hope, and hold on until the pain gives out.
Relationships: Maeve Donovan & Spencer Reid, Maeve Donovan/Spencer Reid
Comments: 7
Kudos: 10





	1. I

Maeve’s eyelids were pressed against each other so hard that she knew that when – if – they opened again the feeling of pain would still be there. The familiar sound of Spencer’s voice embraced her the way he’d never gotten a chance to, giving her a moment of relief before his words pierced through her heart. “Diane, I offered you a deal and you can still take it. Me for her. Let me take her place.”

No. She opened her mouth to speak, to tell him to not give up the potential his life has for someone like her, but no words came out. Her mouth was too dry from the fear and the cold metal pressed against her temple.

“You would do that?” Diane sounded emotional, broken even. She was devastated and truly infatuated with Spencer. But he wasn’t hers, he was Maeve’s, now and forever. However long forever was, whether it ended in 5 minutes or 50 years.

“Yes.” Spencer and Diane looked each other in the eyes and Maeve’s breath hitched. It was comforting to know he would do the same for her as she would for him.

There was a moment before Diane spoke again, tears streaming down her face. You would have thought she was the one with a gun to her head and her boyfriend the one offering his life for hers. As if she weren’t the monster in this room. “You would kill yourself for her?”

“Yes.” Spencer repeated, the urgency in his voice more prominent than ever.

That was when Maeve swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke, barely louder than a whisper. Her eyes opened to meet his, an apologetic gaze from him and only pain in her eyes. “Thomas Merton.”

“Who’s Thomas Merton?” Diane was quick to question, pressing the weapon harder onto Maeve’s skin and making her wince before speaking again. Spencer let a pained smile cross his lips for just a second.

“He knows. He knows.” Or at least she had faith he did.

As anticipated, the other girl snapped back quicker than ever. “Who’s Thomas Merton? Who is he?”

“He’s the one thing you can never take from us.” Maeve didn’t even give Spencer a chance to answer, taking a look at his calculating eyes, granting her a window into the inner workings of his mind. The way he was wondering how to tackle this with least casualties. But she couldn’t let him put himself through that, she would have to trust her instincts.

“No.” The gun lifted off her skin and she sunk down in relief, only to be tugged back up so she was leant against the girl holding it. Glancing to the side, Maeve watched as the metal was pushed against Diane’s temple by her own hand, some sick suicide she was going to pull off as Maeve was in her arms.

“Wait!” Spencer met Diane’s eyeline once again as she spoke, his eyes begging her not to do that. Her fingers clasped tighter and tighter around the trigger and Maeve winced in response, as if that would be enough to make the girl disappear. Spencer knew how this ended but he couldn’t think about it. He could feel the stinging of tears making its way up to his eyes and letting them fall over and down his cheeks.

It all happened at once. The deafening noise of a gunshot. The cluttering of a gun against the floor. Screams from 8 directions. The thud of bodies on the ground. Maeve’s name screamed out in anguish. Loud sobs. Hushed voices. And the beeping of a monitor.


	2. II

The pacing of Spencer’s feet against the hospital floor lined up almost perfectly with the beeping of the heart monitor. A beep and a thud, silence, over and over. He looked like death, and with good reason too. The man hadn’t slept in months, spending his days reading to the shell that was left of his girlfriend and the nights pacing the same room. He refused to leave her side, terrified that a minute away from her would be the difference between life and death and it would be all his fault. Many of the team had visited, Blake and JJ more than anyone else, but none of it would be the same as Maeve. He had become much closer with Blake, or Alex as he had finally begun calling her, and could confide in her for anything. She kept him updated with cases and he kept her updated with what was happening in the hospital. Or, more accurately, what was not.

Until today.

It was a miniscule movement, unnoticeable really. The slight twitch of the side of her mouth as he read ‘The Narrative of John Smith’. But it meant something to him. His eyes lit up and his head turned towards JJ with such enthusiasm you’d have thought Maeve was standing behind him.

“Spence! Spencer? What happened?” It was hard to tell the tone of her voice as it was laced with equal parts concern and excitement. She placed her hands on Spencer’s shoulders, turning her head and looking up to meet his eyes. “Is she awake?”

“Well… Not exactly. But I was reading ‘The Narrative of John Smith’, our book, to her and I swear to you she moved. She smiled.” Spencer let his breathing regulate a little before continuing. “She can hear me, I think. JJ, is she going to be okay?”

The light in his eyes transferred to become JJ’s smile, relief flooding over her face. “This is so big, Spence, she’s going to be alright. Here, you go talk to her and I’ll get the nurse.”

As Spencer walked back towards the bed to sit on the chair beside it, JJ walked out into the hallway. She immediately messaged Penelope to call a meeting and to ring her back as soon as. Like usual, it was seconds until she got the call back.

“Baby, you’d better have something good. The others are neglecting my god-like abilities and you are my last hope.”

“It’s not about the case, Garcia. It’s about Spencer.”

“Spencer?” Blake’s worried voice came from Garcia’s end. “What happened to him? Is he okay? Do you need us there? We know who did this, we can hand it over to the local PD.”

“Alex, Alex, calm. It’s not Spencer.” She paused, taking a breath. “Well, not in the sense you’re worried about. It’s Maeve. Spencer saw her mouth move. He said something about a slight smile. Guys, she’s responsive. I think we’ll have her and Spencer back soon.”

Hotch piped in, cautious as ever. “JJ, be careful. Don’t get his hopes up too much, even after 4 months he’s too fragile to lose her again.”

“Hotch, it wasn’t me. He saw it. You should have seen his face light up, I haven’t seen him that happy since… well, longer than I can remember. I couldn’t do anything about him seeing it - he was the one telling me.”

“Very well then. We’ll sort this arrest then all meet you there when we land as usual. Please have some more good news, and we’ll try to have the same.”

JJ could practically hear the nod of his head on the other side of the phone, and her assumption was proven correct by Garcia’s voice preceding the beep of the call hanging up. “Bye girlie!”

“Bye Garcia.” She answered, fully aware she was speaking to nobody.

As if prompted by the new silence, a nurse walked past. JJ waved in his direction, causing him to stop – giving JJ a concerned look.

“Is there something wrong, miss?” He asked.

“No, not at all. In fact, something very right. It’s one of your patients, Maeve Donovan?” JJ waited for recognition from the nurse and received a nod. “My partner in there, Spencer, says she’s responsive.”

The thoughts in the nurse’s head were so loud they could practically be heard by everyone around. He raced down the hallway towards Maeve’s doctor, leaving JJ in his dust. She took that as a positive and walked back into the room. “The doctor is on his way.”

Spencer didn’t even notice his friend enter, he was too busy talking to Maeve. He sounded as if he’d started as soon as she had left and wasn’t planning on stopping any time soon. It warmed JJ’s heart as she leant against the doorframe.

“-cases and I kept my promise. They asked me if I wanted to hold your hand and I said no. Just please wake up Maeve. I don’t think I could stand sitting in this room with the last thing you said being the scream as you fell. Please. All I want is to hold you close and never let go and dance with you… You know that’s what I dream of on the rare occasion I fall asleep. You want me to dance, but I refuse. I refuse because I know it means I’m not awake and I refuse because I don’t know how to dance and I refuse because it feels like breaking the promise. And I don’t even know what it would be like. Did you know that’s why I hug JJ so much more? She feels similar in size to you and I can melt into her just like I’ll melt into you whe-”

JJ had never seen him so vulnerable, spilling all his emotions out in a mess of words and tears. It felt like something she shouldn’t be witnessing considering he hadn’t noticed her and she felt it was only right she interrupted. “-Spence...”

“Oh JJ. I’m sorry, did you say something?” He turned towards her, walking over.

“Just that the doctor is coming. Sorry if you didn’t want me to hear any of that, I caught the end. I didn’t realise that’s why.” Spencer looked almost sheepish as she spoke, hanging his head. JJ lengthened her arms out to welcome him into a hug. “Hey, come here.”

He hesitated for just a moment before letting himself fall into JJ’s arms, his tears soaking into her t-shirt. She brought her hands up to grasp his head and, for once, years of comforting victims had a use outside of work. They stood like that until Spencer’s knees buckled, his silent tears turning into sobs as his knees hit the ground, followed by those of the girl who held him. She let him sink into her, getting it all out, until the doctor entered the room to find them on the floor. As he cleared his throat, Spencer immediately straightened up and wiped his tears, joining JJ who was already standing, waiting for what the professional had to say.

“Are you Dr Spencer Reid?” He asked, directing the question in Spencer’s direction and receiving an affirmative answer. “Alright, would you be able to answer a few questions for me? Just tell me what happened earlier, if you are comfortable.”

“Of course.” Came Spencer’s reply, glancing at JJ with a small smile and feeling her support through the squeeze of a hand. “I was reading, well reciting, ‘The Narrative of John Smith’-”

“Perks of an eidetic memory.” JJ offered.

“Yes. It’s a book we both bought each other so quite special to me. Or, well, us.” He wiped a tear from his cheek. “I was watching her face intently as I recited it, and her mouth curved into a smile. I’m sure of it.”

“And you’re sure it wasn’t a placebo effect? That she really did it?” The doctor scribbled into his notebook as he asked.

“I’m sure. I have played it over and over since it happened, which it definitely did. She smiled. Why would I give myself false hope for nothing after 4 months? That makes no logical sense.”

The doctor looked over to JJ for confirmation, to which she replied. “With all due respect, Dr Evans, Spencer hasn’t remembered a thing wrong since… well for as long as I’ve known him. I can assure you he is telling the truth.”

“Okay. I will do a few more tests on her and see what more we can do about waking her up, there is more to try now that she has been confirmed responsive. I hope the best for you and her.” He walked almost out the room before turning on his heels. “The rest of your team just arrived, I’ll send them through now.”

JJ nodded before turning to Spencer again. “You should sleep. We’re all here, we can wake you if anything happens.”

“Don’t be silly, Maeve could wake up. Now even more than before. I’m not even tired.” The yawn that exited his mouth juxtaposed this completely but she chose to simply ignore it, hugging him one last time before letting go.

The team soon entered, staying with Spencer and Maeve into the early hours of the next morning. They described the case, setting it out almost like a murder mystery for Spencer to solve which, even running on negative sleep, he did with relative ease. Rossi lightened the mood with jokes, Garcia and Morgan with their constant fake flirting, and JJ even got Emily on a video chat to speak to them. That was nice, they were all missing her more than ever so seeing her face and getting to speak to her was a relief after a hard day for them all. She tried to join in with all the celebrations, no matter how questionable the time she was drinking was to any sane person. No, she didn’t miss the job - it just wasn’t for her - but she most certainly missed the people. A smile even found its place on Spencer’s face for a good potion of the evening. Everyone else noticed this and it only increased their grins, glad that, even if he refused to sleep, he could at least be temporarily happy. His happiness must also have made its way across to Maeve whose body seemed to relax a little in the absence of another reaction. But as quickly as they came they were gone, leaving Spencer alone with Maeve and his thoughts.

He leant his elbows on his knees, pressing the palms of his hands to his temples. When would this be over? All he wanted was to hold her, was that too much to ask?


End file.
